the valentine's day for severus snape
by adnarel
Summary: it's Severus Snape's valentine's day. Albus has planned something. Dear Lord, run before he sees us!
1. chapter one: hell day

Disclaimer: Uh-huh, I own Harry Potter. Fuck being modest, I own Lord of the Rings, Peanuts and a California Townhouse too. Yeah, right. sob I don't and we both know it. so boo hoo

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Summary: Its Valentine's Day in Hogwarts and Dumbledore's got a big surprise for Severus and the rest of the school. Quick, HIDE, BEFORE ALBUS SEES US!

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A VALENTINE'S DAY FOR SEVERUS SNAPE

CHAPTER ONE: Recall the Valentine's day Spirits

He had come to loathe that day.

The Headmaster had always favored it, in some inexplicably crafty and mischievous way, above the other holidays, always marking it with a new prank each and every year. Always on a member of the staff and on the students, Albus Dumbledore would rival Fred and George Weasley with his annual Valentine's Day antics.

Severus scowled, coming up from the dungeons on that bright day, his usual black robes billowing behind him as he seemed the spawn of darkness, taking the great blackness and death-cold from his dungeons into the sun filled world of the living. Coming out, he smelled it and sighed wearily.

"Oh no." He mentally cried, cursing Dumbledore as he smelled the sickeningly sweet smell that wafted across him to him from the great hall.

But he found that the entrance hall was crowded with students, some bobbing up and down in an effort to see who was blocking the great door which were still closed. Severus heard some students near by muttering something about being late for classes and about missing breakfast. Severus made his way across, floating on the cold marble floor and calling out to the gathered mob.

"What, in Potion's name is going on here?!" He shouted over the incessant babble that continued.

The crowded students turned as one to him, but none seemed to know why the great hall's double doors were blocked, or who had blocked them. Severus knew full well who, that dratted, daffy old man, Dumbledore.

"Get-out-of-my-WAY!" Severus said through gritted teeth, the crowd parted to let him through. When he arrived at the barred double doors, he proceeded to bang on it with his fists, after being informed that the usual opening charms and spells would simply not move. The double doors had been enchanted from within with some, immovable force.

Damn that man! Severus cursed silently to himself.

"Headmaster!" he called, knowing full well that Dumbledore was behind this ridiculous prank. Fancy him, aggravating Severus before breakfast, that man had absolutely no right!

With his third shout and after many bangs, the students had started to back away silently, seeing their Potion's Master [ and resident Evil, aside from Filch ] bangaing on the doors were scaring them out of their wits. They also found out that their Professor Snape could turn paler and look more menacing with sweat pouring down his brows.

He was joined shortly by his colleagues, each wearing the same frown as he, they told him that they had all tried, at some point to break the spell that bound the doors shut, but none of the prevailed, apparently. It was then that Severus noticed, among his colleagues, one very important woman was missing.

He nudged Professor Sprout who was resting with her back leaning against the doors.

"Professor, where is the Deputy Headmistress?" he inquired softly.

Sprout looked around and looked back at Snape. "I haven't seen her since dinner last night, when she was talking with Albus. . ."

Sprout and Snape both wore a look of dawning realization.

Snape shook the thought out of his head. If the Headmaster and, he gulped, the Deputy Headmistress had. . . surely. . . not in the great hall. . .

SEVERUS SNAPE! He shook his head as visions that were truly gruesome beyond comprehension made their way into his mind. He blinked and gulped several times and thought he might suffocate.

Why the hell was it so damn close in here? He thought savagely, clearing his mind of. . . . that.

He concentrated on Professor Sprout who was looking away, her bottom lip quivering.

"I think they have more sense than that. . ." Sprout said, turning to Severus.

"Do you think they planned something?" Severus asked, in turn.

Sprout nodded vigorously, all the while remembering the time when Albus had bewitched all the flowers on a particular Valentines Day, so that as she walked by, they would burst out into song applauding her and telling her of the day she would meet her 'Soul Mate'. She had snorted at the very idea, obviously absurd, and did not realize that Dumbledore was planning something. . .terrible.

That night, an owl had delivered to Professor Sprout's quarters a rose that sang a verse over and over and over again, till she followed the instructions: to take the rose and head to the Quidditch field.

As soon as she got there, she was awarded another rose that told her to go to the edge of the forbidden forest. And so on it continued, until the last rose [ falling from the sky on top of the Astronomy Tower ] told her to go back to her chambers. She grumbled all the way back, lugging with her a dozen red roses. Upon arriving, she was greeted with an equally confused Professor Evol, [ Head of Ravenclaw house, and Arithmancy teacher ] carrying a dozen blue roses. They stared at each other in mounting confusion, when a single Violet rose found its way to the center of the floor between them. It spoke, in a clear voice, proclaiming to each other the other's unending love.

Sprout had gotten redder and redder till she resembled an apple, till the last verse of the violet rose's song.

'Cause love is as love does

and its waiting for you

so love without your wit nor the fuss

because the headmaster knows that you Do!

Then, both Sprout and Evol, knowing the Headmaster's plot, scheme, they swore vengeance and politely said goodnight to the other. Sprout had told no one about the incident, but had told Dumbledore off in the morning.

"the Headmaster's got something planned." Professor Flitwick said, gulping nervously.

Severus frowned, sensing Flitwick's growing anxiety. Last year, Dumbledore had succeeded in his plan on sending Flitwick out on a blind date. Flitwick had been terrified, but Dumbledore had insisted, coaxing him and telling him it was only tradition.

'Besides' Dumbledore explained, with an particularly mischievous twinkle of his eye to the terrified and shaking Flitwick, 'hiding from Love, Flitwick, only coaxes it to come sooner.'

Severus shivered. Dear Lord, he thought, he would pity the poor soul who had to pacify Dumbledore's seemingly insatiable thirst for vengean----Valentine delight.

Most of the staff had assembled, and most had settled themselves on stools they conjured with a flick of their wands. The students, most hungry and refusing to go back to their dormitories, settled on the floor. Some advance seventh years had conjured some stools too.

Severus sighed. It was going to be a long and tortured filled day. Thinking this, and dreading the worst, Severus began a new train of thought, starting with his usual Valentine-day mantra of 'I HATE DUMBLEDORE'.

Severus had just reached the conclusion that the school would be better off without the old daft, as the blocked double doors opened with a rather cliché flash of bright light. The teachers, being nearest the door, moved away, shielding their eyes.

When the assembly was able to see, they all gasped in delight. All, that is, save one Professor Severus Snape who paled further, if that was possible.

He was tempted to hex the Headmaster as one of the many hear-shaped balloons that covered the great hall's floor gently bump his foot but he cast his eye skyward and was suddenly gripped with fear.

Oh no, he moaned, as the entire student body rushed inside the great hall, everyone pleased at their surprise, leaving Severus standing outside, looking horrified and terror stricken. He panicked, turning on his heel and starting off to the dungeons. He was **NOT **going to endure this.

"Severus!" Dumbledore's cheer filled voice floated over to him. He gulped nervously, recalling Flitwick's Year. He reminded himself that Dumbledore was only an old man, powerful wizard yes but we'll overlook that, and he could die any day now, and his last days were probably filled with senile thoughts, so they **had** to endure him, just to keep him happy till he passes away.

He turned around and knew, to his great horror that this year was reserved specially for **him**.

TBC

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	2. chapter two: PINK!

disclaimer: see chapter one  
  
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW  
  
Thanks so much for my reviewers! Love you all!  
  
just a note: this chapter is. . . full of. . . . bwahahah!  
  
VALENTINE'S DAY FOR SEVERUS SNAPE  
  
CHAPTER TWO: PINK  
  
Severus groaned, as Albus Dumbledore led him inside the hall. Severus closed his eyes, blocking out the Great Hall's valentine décor. Flying hearts with wings were flowing down from the ceiling, that was enchanted to the colors of, Severus gulped, pink and red. The hearts disappeared with a pop when it landed with a soft thud on the floor, now covered with pink, red and white balloons. But, as if the Great Hall's more than festive look was not enough, Severus glimpsed the special Valentine's day Breakfast feast. The house tables, even the Teacher's table was gone, to be replaced by, literally, hundreds of small, round tables. Each table, Severus had seen, could seat three people ONLY. Something was definitely going to happen today, and Severus knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this whatever this was going to be, was torment to him.  
  
"Severus?" a concerned voice asked, shaking him slightly.  
  
Severus opened his eyes, and thought he wore pink glasses. He checked, placing his hands on his face. He was wearing rose-tinted glasses. He looked around, looking past one Albus Dumbledore, and could feel live anger boiling down somewhere, under all his. . . and he did not want to admit this . . . fear. He suddenly gasped, very loudly, and thought he would SCREAM.  
  
NOT ONLY WAS EVERYTHING IN THE GREAT HALL PINK, BUT EVERYONE WAS WEARING PINK ROBES WITH. . . . HEART IMPRINTS  
  
With everyone, it included him. His lip quivered, as he looked down, and suddenly felt his knees weaken. HE TOO WAS WEARING PINK ROBES. . . WITH. . . A GIANT CUPID-SHOOTING AN ARROW PICTURE IN FRONT. The cupid looked up at him and winked, shooting one of his arrows that whisked through the folds of his robes and disappeared from his sight.  
  
Severus felt very weak.  
  
"Severus!" Another voice, and Severus knew who's, said coming towards him.  
  
Minerva made her way through the crowd of students separating them. The students, Severus noticed with a huge scowl, were popping heart-balloons, only to see another balloon 'pop' into existence to replace the other one. It was still raining hearts, and the younger students were playing around with them, trying to catch as many as they could before they all disappeared.  
  
"Isn't this just WONDERFUL?" Minerva asked, appearing beside Severus and Albus, her pointy hat a particularly vibrant shade of carnation pink.  
  
She was wearing pink spectacles to match her totally pink robes with dancing hearts imprinted on them.  
  
Severus grit his teeth. "You helped with this. . . Minerva?" Severus had almost let slip a disgusting word he would have used to describe the scene.  
  
"Yes, I did, Albus and I had been planning for. . months." Her eyes twinkled, strangely and Severus felt the urge to take a step back. Planning, he thought his face twitching, for months?!  
  
"Really? A lot of trouble for one occasion, isn't it?"  
  
"Well, you know," Albus answered, eyes bright. "Valentines day is a favorite of ours."  
  
"I could not tell, headmaster." Severus answered sarcastically, waving a hand behind him, which caused a few flying-hearts to lose their course before dropping to earth with a thud-pop.  
  
"Tell me, Albus," Severus gulped. "What do you have planned for this year?"  
  
"Oh, you shall see, Severus. . . you shall see." Severus' scowl deepened and he was close to a nervous breakdown. He watched as a Ravenclaw girl and a Hufflepuff boy pop another balloon and golden powder sprinkle on them. Instantly, they acquired a dreamy look and looked at each other, blushing madly. Severus' heart stopped, seriously, for a second, as the he watched the pair hold hands shyly. MERLIN! He cried, as the golden powder-turned-cloud disappear into the atmosphere. HOW MANY BALLOONS HAVE THESE CHILDREN POPPED?! He heard a couple more popping sounds from the distance. A few more balloons were popped, by seventh year Gryffindors.  
  
Severus' eyes widened into saucers.  
  
Love Powder Hormonal Teenagers = HELL  
  
Severus did not need his intellect to figure this out, and quickly, he conjured up a handkerchief and held it up to his face. He will not be turned into a blubbering love-sick-fool in front of a school full of students and teachers. Slowly, and Severus thanked the rose-colored robes that hid him from Albus' sight, he made his way to the double doors. If his robes had not been black, he would have stuck out like a sore thumb.  
  
On his way, he saw a Gryffindor sixth year bend down to kiss a Ravenclaw fifth year, as another 'pop' erupted above them.  
  
"Randy Shellton!" Severus' voice startled the Gryffindor. "What were you about to do?!"  
  
"Kiss Miss Dreconhart, Professor." Randy answered dreamily, as though it was the most obvious and logical thing to do in the world.  
  
"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING?!" Severus bellowed.  
  
"But, professor." Miss Dreconhart interrupted. "THEY'RE doing it!" she pointed towards a kissing couple on a wall that Severus had failed to notice.

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Draco thought he saw Snape's ears actually emitting steam when he caught him making out with. . . Ginny Weasley.

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Seeing Draco fall into the power of the glittering gold powder was the last straw. Severus had to get out of that hall.  
  
He finally reached the double doors, but found that they had been sealed. MERLIN!!! He was about to blow-up the doors when he heard Albus' voice booming out over the crowd.  
  
Albus walked the length of the great hall, and stood on a small platform that he conjured.  
  
"Students!"  
  
A sudden hush, all eyes fixing on Dumbledore, curious as hell to know what's been planned. . . and how they were going to eat.  
  
"Happy Valentine's Day!"  
  
"Happy Valentine's Day!" the students returned, cheerful and disgustingly dreamy.  
  
Severus growled. Speak for yourselves. . .  
  
"This year, our Valentine's day will be quite special! I see you have been affected with the temporary-love potions in the balloons!"  
  
Shouldn't that senile old man be outlawed?! Giving love potion to children! Severus thought savagely, sniffing at the air and sneezing into his handkerchief. He felt strangely light headed. . .  
  
Albus continued. "Do not worry, the effects will ware off in three hours time." The students did not appear to have heard. "Now, I suspect you are all hungry?" there was more than a murmur of consent. "So, we will have our special Valentine's day breakfast, and I will apologize for its delay."  
  
"Three people only for each table, as you can see. FOR BREAKFAST, HOUSES MAY MINGLE! THERE ARE NO GRYFFINDORS, HUFFLEPUFFS, RAVENCLAWS OR SLYTHERINS! To each his own!" there was an applause from the audience, a very loud applause complete with cat calls. "Members of the staff will also be allowed to mingle. Today, everyone is equal, after all--" Severus felt his innards crumble into an indistinguishable pulp in the bottom of his stomach. "Everyone is a player in the game of Love."  
  
The assembly separated, everyone moving into a table, three to three. Severus watched as the tables filled, as the teachers seated with students, and found that it was difficult to see the staff already.  
  
His head still felt. . . odd. . . he could not figure out what exactly was wrong. He moved to an unoccupied table, reaching out for a chair, when another pair of hands collided with his at the back of the same chair.  
  
"So sorry, professor!" Hermione Granger said, grinning.  
  
Et too, Granger? Severus wanted to say.  
  
"I couldn't find an empty table, and. . . Ron and Harry are over there, seated with Malfoy." She gestured lazily behind her, and Severus turned to see Weasley and Potter, both grinning, at Malfoy who looked. . . Severus could not believe it, but it was true. . . . terrified.  
  
"do you mind if I sit with you?" She turned to him, hand still on the back of the chair he was claiming.  
  
"Of course not, Granger." He let go of the seat and took the other in the little table.  
  
They sat and were joined, later, with a confused Ginny.  
  
"Harry and Ron just stole Draco." She stated, looking horrified. Hermione didn't even flinch.  
  
"Yes. They stole Malfoy. . ." she said.  
  
Obviously, Granger was affected by the Temporary Love-potion, but was this Weasley affected too? She did not seem as dreamy as the others, in fact, she looked . . . sane compared to Granger who was uncharacteristically twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers, and looking at. . . . Severus Snape.  
  
"Granger." Severus said, noticing the way she licked her lips while looking at. . . . . er. . . . under the table.  
  
She seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in, as she looked up at him and blinked. . .once. . . twice. . . thrice. . .  
  
"er. . .Professor?" she answered, still with an uncommonly thick voice.  
  
"Yes. ." Severus was beginning to become. . . . scared of his predicament. . . . in a hall. . .. full of rabid hormone-induced-sex-craving-temporary- love-potion-dazed-women.  
  
"may I kiss you?" 


End file.
